The ugly truth about writing and success

With tongue firmly planted in cheek

This month’s blog is not about how an unpublished writer fears success. Oh pshaw. How precious is that? No, this blog is about how the unpublished writer fears another writer’s success.

You read that right. I’m confessing here and now that when I hear a writer has signed a deal, won an award, landed an agent – well, a part of me asks, Why not me? It’s the ugly competitive underbelly of my personality that I have learned to embrace. And, where necessary, to pepper spray, wrestle to the ground and handcuff. Once that little dickens is face down in the dirt with the nice officer’s knee in her back I harness her for the power of good. I’ll explain how in a moment.

I became aware of this ugly underbelly when I heard a first-hand account of a published writer who met with envy from the most unlikely of sources. Instantly, I understood her pain. I also understood the impulse to envy her.

Published writers – and you know who you are – have achieved what the rest of us in the community dream about. The person who told me her story – a very well-respected industry professional – was given the cold shoulder by her own writing group. The moment she was published she felt the freeze-out. The same people who had given her years of giddy, rah-rah, we’re-all-for-you support suddenly rejected her. And it hurt like hell.

Another writer told me that as soon as her first novel was published one of her writing buddies stopped writing altogether. She says even though that was years ago – and that person is now off doing other things with her life –it still bothers her.

In the interests of full disclosure: when I hear of others’ writing successes I’m mostly happy for them – but it’s a soup of feeling. The recipe is: four parts healthy vegetables to one part bile.

The four healthy parts say, Hey look, the system works. Years of dedication pay off. This is encouraging. Press on. The fifth part is that pitiful, Why not me?

Well, this is a downer of a blog. Except for this:

I believe these thoughts and feelings are honest and strong enough to be used to the unpublished writer’s advantage. These socially-inappropriate emotions demonstrate passion for your craft. They tell you two things: you know where you want to go and you can’t wait to get there. So, don’t stifle envy, judgment and self-pity. Acknowledge the feelings. Roll around in them for awhile. Then move on.

Find a way to make this festering dung-heap work for you. Think of these so-called bad feelings as a kind of fuel. A kind of methane gas, if you will, to power your own work.

Let the success of others give you hope. Get names and addresses. Glean tips and tricks. Tuck away ideas for the future. Use their successes for yourself. Narcissistic? Sure. Egotistical? Yes. Solipsistic? Well, I’m a writer. I create worlds. If I want them to, they do revolve around me.

Post-script.

The multi-published Susan Lyons sends the following comments about writer envy:

I figure, it’s great to use others for inspiration, but it’s kind of a fool’s game to do a lot of comparing – at least if the comparison results in negative feelings either about ourselves or about other people. We’re all at different stages in our careers, and what matters is if we can look at ourselves and say that we’re doing the best we can at the time.

She’s so evolved.